Mos Nicolae

Mos Nicolae, or St. Nicholas (in english) is a very sweet holiday. I really love it. children (and we are all someone's children) are suppose to leave our shoes, our very super clean shoes, next to the door, so he can leave us presents. usually, the presents are all kinds of candy.

my family and I can't wait for him till tomorrow, 6th of December, so Mos Nicolae is super good to us and leaves our presents in the evening, 5th of Dec.

I got lots of candy aaaaand a mobile pompon! it's crazy pink, and if anyone will ever bitch about it, I'll rape their mothers with a big, rusty ranch.


no one fucks with my few girlie shit!

..

it's just so fascinating how oh so many people try to differentiate themselves from animals. regardless to say, people are animals. retards and idiots think they are somewhat superior
due to the communication skills and such.

needless to say each and every specimen can communicate withing its family.

I have no idea why people are such big fuck ups. I don't get it. why they always have to complain, believe in a bigger power that will raise their children cause it's a sin to use contraception, pay for sex, consume more than they need...it's a never ending process of taking and never giving back.

or maybe they give blow jobs back, to be sure they'll gain something in return. just saying...

birthday

19 days till my birthday and I'm not looking forward to it. my pet hamster has a tumor,
that sure is fucking fun... she's old and there are around 20% of survival if I decide to take
her for a chirurgical intervention. and she's super tiny, she's got 35 grams. I just watch her,
all day long. today, I started working on my dissertation. at least I'm doing that...

this week was pure hell and I"m sure the next will be worse. I guess I'll have to wait and see.
that is if I don't get a stroke

unhappy

I can't remember when was the last time I drew or wrote someting regarding love
for myself. it's always hate, anger and fury. I used to draw a lot for my own pleasure,
took pride in the drawings and they were not to give away. now, I only draw things
so I can give them away.

I know we all have our own demons and shit we have to deal with, but I can't
seem to take a decision. my head is all messed up. it's always in my head "what
should I do about it?" I can't seem to get a fucking answer. I'm somehow trapped
between the spiritual me and the ... I don't even know. something something me,
that doesn't wanna let go. I spent so much time to become a righteous person, never
do anything immoral and just be true to myself and when the day will come and I'll
look back upon my life, I'll be proud. fucking proud that I was the best a human can be.
never be eaten by the spirit crusher, never giving up into the flesh and all that shit so
many do. always keep away from those that did. those who just sucked cock just to
be appreciated, lie, cheat, be stupid on purpose, never read, never try to learn more
about anythings, act superior when they're not et caetera.

even if someone told me that they've changed, can I really believe that? people don't
change their essence. you are whatever you choose to be. and everything that we do is
our choice. so why or how could I really believe that people change? but let's say they do,
they do change. but the past is still there! the past built from shit load of fucked up
choices, things that I don't want to be linked to. things that I truly hate in a person
and things that make me sick. the past speaks about a person.

and in the end I don't care what people say, it bothers *me*. it's my story, my life and I
want to be happy. really happy. and I can't feel happy, no matter what I do. I'm somehow
stuck in my head knowing that I just have to make up my mind and all I do is let time
pass by me till one morning I'll wake up and just know what I have to do.

I hate this state

empty words

it's difficult to mentain a righteous behaviour in a world of empty words.
even the people you're suppose to trust and love are full of bollocks.
so tell me, how could I ever be able to find a trustworthy person in a mass
of liers?

when I say something, I do it. there are no excuses no fucking pussy lines,
I fucking do it. if it's an important, super big deal or even if it's a casual thing.
cause I have my word of honour.

enough

I care about morality, truth and dignity. I fought to have them all by not
giving into the "Spirit Crusher". but I can't seem to find someone else that
shares this.

I am so hurt right now... and angry. really really angry. every fucking time
I start having faith or believe in someone, something happens and the
faith build crushes down. each and every time and I'm starting to have enough
of this shit. I could carve into human flesh right now and feel nothing! it's so
strange how a sentence can change your mood, or even more, your life. the way
you looked or used to see someone...


is there a male version of me?

the happy series

I realized that most of my posts are really angry. but that's cause I am an angry
person. I don't know why, but it works for me.
so I thought I could post something nice. maybe things that I like or the things that
make me happy or melt my heart... I mean, you know, I can be nice sometimes.

here we go: this is Ciufee my guinea pig. I call him 'copilul' (that's romanian for child)
most of the times.



I love him much and he hates it when I smooch him too much.

anal

you know how so so many lads are against men homosexuality? yeah, but
they almost never have anything against having anal sex with a girl.
why is that? they hate gay guys cause "they fuck in the ass" but if the
opportunity comes along for them "to fuck in the ass", sure, fuck in the ass
a girl, they almost never say no.

it's still an ass. an anus. things come out of it and it's not pretty. so what's
the deal? is it less fagish? fuck no is not. it is just the same! exactly the same!
cause guys hate the 'ass fucking' when it comes to homosexuals.

there is no difference, it's an ass. man or woman, it's an ass. it's not made out
of gold and it does not smell like roses. is it because it's tight? is that the issue?
the vagina isn't tight enough? well maybe their dick is too small. I'm just sayin'


I had a chat with a friend regarding this matter and she said that guys think
is cool to have anal sex because it regards the power a guy has over a girl. how far
a girl will go for a guy. it gives them power.

so I guess a girl can go as far as to shit on a guy. not on purpose, course...

coma white

I'm so hooked on this song called 'Coma White' by Marilyn Manson.
never heard it will two weeks ago. it's not my usual style of music as
I love a more extreme approach, but there's just something about it.
and the lyrics... the actual song says "a pill to make you numb/a pill to
make you dumb". but all I hear is 'I feel like making you numb/I feel
like making you dumb'.

and each time I hear the first line, I get really violent thoughts. like,
making people numb after a really bad beating. and when I hear the
second one, 'I feel like making you (feel) dumb' I just get a 'thirst' of
mocking people. two in particular.

I've always been a very angry person, but it works for me...

I am fucking superior, cunt!

I take pride in what I do. the books I read, the things I know and the time I
take to study and learn. cause no matter how many things I know, I realize
I know nothing. why is it that I like reading and learning? because knowledge
is power. and we all love power! I want to have power over everything that I can,
especially people. cause I hate their fucking guts. and stupid people... well, you
can't deny how entertaining is to watch them embarrass themselves. hey hey,
it's fine. it's really ok to feel smarter than oh so many. I mean, why deny the
truth?

I mean, am I suppose to feel bad cause some illiterate loser feels hurt when I
laugh at it cause it doesn't know the capital of Portugal?

we all have equal rights. not equal chances, that's true. but rights. so, if I can
borrow a book from the school's library, as sure as fuck every pupil can.

I met a 16 years old girl. her reputation: whore. now please tell me, why
should
I feel sorry for a person that chooses to have sex with 30something years
old men,
doesn't know how to speak her mother tongue correct and takes pride in it.

other than this poor soul, I met a 24 years old mother. got pregnant at20 or
so with
a guy that never wanted a relationship with her. I heard lots and lots of
stories but
the thing is that we live in the 21st century and if she never heard of protection
and
graduated high school... that's just retarded. anyways, the thing is that after
she got
the idea that there shall be no relationship, she started fucking almost all
his friends
course, she is still single. most people that know her tag her as a total slut.
such a bad bad
thing for that kid that will hear stories of his slut mother after he'll grow older.

the kid is 3 and he doesn't talk like a 3 years old should, eats unhealthy
food and breaths the smoke his mother exhales. and she's a chain smoker.
when I saw her,
I started laughing. I heard of her before actually seeing her in person
and I thought she
must be some kind of hot piece of ass, cause her brains definitely couldn't
get her to screw
all those guys. but to my surprise, I found this really bad looking broad that
had no manners and had no idea how to properly make her acquaintance.

it's just so sad to have such a reputation. I have no respect towards her or
people like her. anyways, as I said, I laughed in me mind and then I couldn't
keep it in anymore. so I laughed and no one knew why.

"someone" actually told me that I have a superior way when it comes to people
and that I should be nice to people especially if no one ever did me wrong.

so my answer to that was: I am superior! I am acting like such because I am
entitled to. because I earned the right to take a piss on each and every slut
I come across. because I am better!
everyone creates their life. I say don't do anything to embarrass yourself,
your family and your people. cause there will come a time when you'll get
the chance to look back, and would you like to regret lots of things? why is it
that so many young girls want to 'explore their sexuality' but never want to
explore the world of science, or the human brain or spirit?

I am looked at with hate because I state the obvious? fuck that! the truth is
knowledge and knowledge is harsh. why should I feel bad for someone
that chose such a life style?

people make mistakes? a mistake is when you forget to pay your phone bill, a
mistake is when you don't boil enough water, a mistake is when you don't pay
enough attention. there is no mistake in fucking two guys in less than 2 hours.
it's not like you tripped and fell onto someone's penis! that is fucking choice!

fucking bollocks...

so sad....

it's so sad to see people losing their spiritual inner self. or even sadder to realize they don't

have such thing. people are the most greedy form of life there has been till present days.

they don't respect themselves, other fellow humans and don't get me started on animals.

and then there are words. lack of symbolism in words. so so many just throw words at each

other, empty words. and for what? just for the sake to hear their own voices? is there

no essence left within humans? how can you say such things as "it's just a hamster. it's

an animal, it feels no pain" ? life is life, no matter which possessor has it. and there is the

circle of life. every action has a reaction. are we suppose to treasure life no matter what,

the size, genre or order does not matter.

stop being fucking retarded and use your brains to actually think and come up

with bright ideas. don't use your head just so it wouldn't rain in your mouth!

my first...

here's what I got for my first 2010 post:

having a real diary makes it difficult to post around here, not that anybody reads this.

I find myself caught up between so many difficult decisions. personal, professional

family matter, killing people, saving animals and plants... how can you not have expectations?

how could you not? it comes natural and it's hard to fight them. you want things to

go your way cause that means you have pleasure in life. how can there be a relationship

without expectations, unless you don't care about the other, right?

anyways, I shall return to my study books